Week 2 : Down Mammary Lane

cewahh.. posing maut..

Izani is back at breastfeeding this week.
From the start, he has taken to it like a natural. He latched on quite quickly and somehow instinctively knew that he has to take on the whole thing and wont get anything by just sucking it partially. (It didnt prevent me from getting sore and cracked though).
After almost two days break to help me heal, I got him back to breastfeeding. It was a little difficult at first, coz he was used to getting fed quick and now and easy on the bottle.. but eventually I managed it. He is now alternating between my milk and formula milk.

I think among all my babies, Izani has been the easiest to breastfeed.
Maybe it's attributed to my 'experience', or maybe coz of my attitude this time around, or maybe it's due to the environment.
Having breastfed three babies prior to this, I surely had anticipated the soreness and potential issues and such.. but it did not stop me from feeling like it's my first time. Perhaps it's coz each baby is different.
When I was trying to breastfeed Ilham, I got frustrated very easily. When I had problems feeding him I felt like a failure, like an incomplete mother. With Ihsan it was easier (maybe coz his mouth was so big), so I didnt have that much problem. With Anis it was better, but still difficult coz she had this tendency to get angry and clamp down on me *ouch*. Everytime I had to give these babies a bottle, I felt guilty, as if I'm depriving them from the nutrition in my milk. And I guess the babies sensed my anxiety when I breastfed them, which in turn made them feel uncomfortable, which made it diffcult for me to breastfeed them, which in turn.. you get the idea.. vicious cycle.
But with Izani, I had a diferent attitude. I am now more relaxed. I don't blame myself and get all stressed out when the baby complains and don't latch on. I just pat him gently and encourage him to try again. And I don't feel so guilty for reaching out for the bottle. I just think that it's for the baby's sake. I have to make sure that he is fed, either by me , or the bottle. His health comes first, anyway.
Being in an environment where I am in charge also helped. There is no one to comment that I don't have enough milk (and make me feel bad). There are no ignorant people to say that if I use the breast pump I'll ruin my breasts. There are no old-wives tales and mumbo-jumbo home remedies being shoved down my throat. It really feels good to be able to do anything I want the way I want it without having someone breathing down my neck telling me I'm doing it all wrong.
All that has been very helpful in bringing me towards my goal, which is to fully breastfeed Izani.

Now, if only I could increase my milk supply...

Day 9: Just for the record..

Just in case it changes color later on, I'd just like to put it on record that this was what his eyes/eye look like today:

Just so that I know I hadn't been dreaming it all up.
It's actually kinda like grey-brown isnt it?
If it stays this color, and if he looks anything like his father, I can just see all the girls going ga-ga over him when he turns 18.
Oh the headaches I'm going to have..
I just hope that I picked up a thing or two from ben and end up raising boys that are as smart and level headed as her son is.

In other news, for the record, his umbilical cord fell off on Day 7, but it was late at night when I saw it in the diaper (instead of attached to his belly button), so I did not blog about it earlier. So now I can apply minyak telon (baby ointment to prevent gases) on his tummy. He seems to like it too.. makes him sleep more soundly. And I just lurrve the smell of minyak telon.. always reminds me of babies.

I am taking a break from breastfeeding him coz i'm starting to bleed. I am waiting for Taufik to buy me them shields. It had felt a bit better this morning, but when I tried to breastfeed izani, it was like he was impatient coz it was so slow.. damn. He must've gotten used to the quicker gratification that he gets from the bottle. damn damn.
I hope to get back at it once I get them shields. By hook or by crook, I'm gonna get him to breastfeed, dammit. Prolly should start taking the herbal preparations as well .. maybe that'll help in increasing my milk supply and he won't complain about the flow being slow.
Wish me luck! :)

Week 1: Yellow and Hungry

Well, I think baby Izani is making great progress for a week old baby, despite the fact that he was jaundiced.
He had opened his eyes on the first day. Ever since then, I noticed that after every feed, he would allocate about 10 to 15 minutes to exploring his environment. His eyes would dart here and there and he would even turn his head left and right trying to look at things.
Of course, he can't focus yet, so he's probably just seeing blobs of color and is looking at the outlines of people. I talk and smile to him anyway.
His eyes actually look a little grey, but I can't really tell... maybe it's just wishful thinking. And maybe it'd change color as he gets older.
Taufik puts Izani on the baby mattress by the window every morning so that the baby can absorb the morning sun rays, coz he's afraid if Izani'll get jaundiced again. I really hope not, and so far, he looks like he has recovered. We'll know more when we go see the paediatrician on Monday/Tuesday.

Izani is drinking a lot! I would breastfeed him for awhile, until I felt 'relieved' or his mouth would go slack and he would stop sucking. He'd let go of my nipple and just lie there in my arms, his head slightly tilted back, mouth slightly agape, and he'd be panting and look tired but sated. He'd nap for awhile, then he'd wake up asking for more.
Sometimes I'd give him breastmilk, but sometimes I don't feel like torturing my sore nipples so I would give him the bottle. *hangs head in shame*. But I find that when he drinks from the bottle, he is fuller and would sleep longer.. which gives me the opportunity to make the bed, cook, blog or SLEEP. tee hee.


Picture taken this morning, after bath. Ignore the messy background, please.

Day 0: Good morning starshine, the world says Hello!

Izani Mohamed Taufik, son of Elisa.
Born on the 15th of April 2006, at 10:36am KSA time. (GMT +03:00), via C-section.
Birth weight: 3.5kg, length: 49cm, Head circumference 35cm.