Week 2 : Down Mammary Lane

cewahh.. posing maut..

Izani is back at breastfeeding this week.
From the start, he has taken to it like a natural. He latched on quite quickly and somehow instinctively knew that he has to take on the whole thing and wont get anything by just sucking it partially. (It didnt prevent me from getting sore and cracked though).
After almost two days break to help me heal, I got him back to breastfeeding. It was a little difficult at first, coz he was used to getting fed quick and now and easy on the bottle.. but eventually I managed it. He is now alternating between my milk and formula milk.

I think among all my babies, Izani has been the easiest to breastfeed.
Maybe it's attributed to my 'experience', or maybe coz of my attitude this time around, or maybe it's due to the environment.
Having breastfed three babies prior to this, I surely had anticipated the soreness and potential issues and such.. but it did not stop me from feeling like it's my first time. Perhaps it's coz each baby is different.
When I was trying to breastfeed Ilham, I got frustrated very easily. When I had problems feeding him I felt like a failure, like an incomplete mother. With Ihsan it was easier (maybe coz his mouth was so big), so I didnt have that much problem. With Anis it was better, but still difficult coz she had this tendency to get angry and clamp down on me *ouch*. Everytime I had to give these babies a bottle, I felt guilty, as if I'm depriving them from the nutrition in my milk. And I guess the babies sensed my anxiety when I breastfed them, which in turn made them feel uncomfortable, which made it diffcult for me to breastfeed them, which in turn.. you get the idea.. vicious cycle.
But with Izani, I had a diferent attitude. I am now more relaxed. I don't blame myself and get all stressed out when the baby complains and don't latch on. I just pat him gently and encourage him to try again. And I don't feel so guilty for reaching out for the bottle. I just think that it's for the baby's sake. I have to make sure that he is fed, either by me , or the bottle. His health comes first, anyway.
Being in an environment where I am in charge also helped. There is no one to comment that I don't have enough milk (and make me feel bad). There are no ignorant people to say that if I use the breast pump I'll ruin my breasts. There are no old-wives tales and mumbo-jumbo home remedies being shoved down my throat. It really feels good to be able to do anything I want the way I want it without having someone breathing down my neck telling me I'm doing it all wrong.
All that has been very helpful in bringing me towards my goal, which is to fully breastfeed Izani.

Now, if only I could increase my milk supply...